Girls Over 50 Reveal What Intercourse Is Truly Like For Them After Menopause

Menopause can result in a variety of psychological, bodily and emotional adjustments — together with some shifts in your intercourse life.

Clinically talking, menopause is reached once you’ve gone 12 straight months with no interval, marking the top of 1’s reproductive years. The typical age of the final menstrual interval is 51, in response to the American Faculty of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

However the transitional part main as much as menopause, often known as perimenopause, usually lasts about four years — although it may be as short as a few months or as long as 10 years. Colloquially, nonetheless, many use the phrase “menopause” as an umbrella term to embody the entire course of.

Throughout perimenopause, which often begins in your mid 40s, ranges of hormones like estrogen and progesterone fluctuate. This may result in irregular durations, scorching flashes, insomnia, mind fog, temper swings, vaginal dryness and low libido — all of which might affect one’s intercourse life instantly or not directly. It’s price noting that, for some people, signs could also be intense and last a while, and for others they may be more mild and fleeting.

And though sure signs like hot flashes tend to dissipate over time, others like vaginal dryness often persist and may even worsen.

The lack of estrogen throughout menopause may cause the vaginal and vulvar tissue to grow to be thinner, dryer and fewer stretchy, which might result in ache throughout sexual exercise, Dr. Stephanie Faubion, director of the Mayo Clinic Heart for Girls’s Well being and medical director of The Menopause Society, advised HuffPost.

And whereas there’s lots of dialogue concerning the challenges of intercourse after menopause, it could be comforting to know that it’s positively not all doom and gloom.

“The excellent news is that almost all ladies who had an excellent intercourse life earlier than menopause can proceed to get pleasure from an excellent intercourse life after menopause,” Faubion mentioned.

Actually, it’s a fable that girls cease being sexual as soon as menopause hits, midlife intercourse coach Sonia Wright advised HuffPost.

Menopause “can truly be the start of one thing wonderful; even higher than intercourse in your 20s and 30s,” she mentioned. “You get to be a sexual being till the day you permit this world. Postmenopausal intercourse could be much more intimate, connective, pleasurable and really satisfying.”

In case you are struggling together with your sexual well-being round menopause, attain out to your well being care supplier to debate causes and potential therapy choices tailor-made to your wants. Vaginal lubricants and moisturizers, sex therapy, hormone therapy, and way of life adjustments like incorporating yoga could assist.

Under, ladies share their private experiences with intercourse after menopause. Word: Some final names have been omitted to guard their privateness. Responses have been evenly edited for readability and size.

“I used to be round 52 when menopause signs began, and it’s now been shut to 2 years postmenopause. When my month-to-month cycle began to grow to be irregular, I noticed menopause was starting. I did a little bit of studying on what to anticipate, and two of the attainable points I got here throughout have been lack or lack of intercourse drive and vaginal dryness. The worst symptom for me was scorching flashes, and I used to be lucky that I didn’t want any hormone alternative remedy.

I’ve at all times had a comparatively excessive intercourse drive and intercourse is vital to me, whether or not in a relationship or not. My intercourse drive has remained excessive, and I get pleasure from a wholesome and protected intercourse life although I’m single. Regardless that being pregnant is not a problem, I at all times use condoms and get examined for STIs yearly. I’ve had no points concerning vaginal dryness and don’t want any lubricant for vaginal intercourse.

For me, the one factor that modified was realizing what I would like from a sexual relationship, and what I’ll and received’t tolerate. Life is simply too quick for dangerous intercourse!

What has stunned me is that I discover myself drawn to males who’re youthful than me. I had at all times dated older. All of my sexual encounters since menopause and changing into single are with youthful males ranging in age from 39-50 years of age.” — Kim P., 56, Queensland, Australia

“I believe I used to be round 55 after I began going by way of menopause. I seen I wasn’t actually excited by intercourse, however I wasn’t positive if it was my circumstances — I used to be in the midst of a divorce — or ‘The Pause.’ After my yearly gynecologist go to, the place my physician advised me about vaginal atrophy and some different midlife points which may come up, I simply gave up on intercourse.

However at age 65, I briefly dated a gentleman who made me notice I used to be nonetheless a horny, important, vibrant girl. Intercourse was enjoyable once more! So I’m undecided if it was menopause that made me ‘suppose’ I not was excited by intercourse/intimacy, or if it was my thoughts and society. Regardless of the case, I’m prepared for courting and this subsequent new chapter. Convey it on!” — Brenda B., 67, New York Metropolis

“I’ve been postmenopausal for a few years a minimum of. Now I’m having the very best intercourse of my life. It’s largely on account of the truth that I do know precisely what I would like. And I really feel entitled to say, ‘That is what I would like. And that is how I would like it.’ And to additionally say, ‘No, that’s not what I would like’ — even when it’s fairly minor. I simply know what I would like, and I understand how to ask for it and to be demanding in a great way.

I had truly only a few menopausal challenges, though I began acupuncture early. I’ve executed common acupuncture for in all probability 20 years now. And my acupuncturist’s purpose from the start was like, ‘Let’s preserve your cycle as common as we presumably can for so long as we presumably can.’ And I believe that was massively useful to me: having her assist and having her concentrate on my hormones, to maintain them getting in the fitting method. In order that’s what I like to recommend — not essentially acupuncture — however don’t attempt to undergo menopause solo. Get assist, no matter assist you will discover, that may give you the results you want.

As a intercourse coach, I’m an enormous proponent of masturbation. As a result of that method, you recognize your entire physique and that basically empowers you then to say, ‘That is what actually works for me.’ There’s a high quality of ‘use it or lose it.’ So should you’re not in a partnership, and also you’re not having common intercourse and also you’re not masturbating, you’re simply not ‘juicing your circulate,’ principally.

Discover the vibrators that give you the results you want. There are such a lot of obtainable proper now: vibrators, dildos, combos. I encourage my purchasers to do “The O 30”: Masturbate 30 days straight, and see what you be taught and see what adjustments in your life.” — Dori Melton, 58, Oakland, California

“I didn’t have expectations about how intercourse can be after menopause. I had by no means heard that it would change on account of menopause. I believe that was optimistic in that I didn’t internalize stereotypes about inevitable libido adjustments. My libido truly surged at menopause. But it surely was additionally detrimental in that I had not heard about frequent postmenopausal bodily signs similar to thinning of vulvar and vaginal tissues, sometimes called a sensation of dryness.

So after I started to expertise ache with penetration after menopause, my ignorance resulted in a longer-than-necessary time to prognosis and therapy after attempting numerous kinds of lube that didn’t handle the underlying challenge. I got here to be taught that this situation (urogenital atrophy) is quite common postmenopause and normally simply handled, however it’s under-diagnosed and under-treated. Typically appreciable self-advocacy is required. In my case, insertable vaginal estrogen successfully resolved my signs and has prevented recurrence of signs with ongoing use.

Apart from the short-term bodily signs I skilled, intercourse after menopause has largely been pretty much as good and sometimes higher than intercourse previous to menopause. Causes for this doubtless embody elevated sexual confidence; better expertise with intercourse, relationships and communication; a constant commonplace of mutual want and enthusiasm; some exploration with quite a lot of fascinating companions; and elevated privateness as my youngsters have grow to be adults.

In my expertise, typically talking, selection in intercourse accomplice(s) could make an incredible distinction in how a lady may expertise intercourse. That is true in any stage of life, although there are some phases and circumstances I consider are significantly fragile, similar to early sexual experiences, intercourse post-childbirth, intercourse approaching menopause when hormones are erratic, intercourse postmenopause, and intercourse throughout sick well being or whereas processing grief.

I used to be partnered as I used to be approaching menopause, and the sexual dynamic turned all about my then-partner’s wants and fears. Had we nonetheless been collectively and centered on his wants postmenopause after I skilled ache with penetrative intercourse, I believe I’d’ve actually struggled with the quantity of self-advocacy required to get a prognosis and therapy. As an alternative of getting to concentrate on advocating to satisfy another person’s wants, I used to be motivated to take care of the pleasurable intercourse life I’d cultivated for myself.” — Jackie, 54, California